December 29, 2006

Need a shot of Botox please

Alex is the best thing that has happend to me but yet it's very bitter sweet. I love my son and I would do anything for him, just ask Jason how the mother hawk comes out of me. However, I miss my ALONE time. Ah yes, my ALONE time, a time where I could do anything I wanted. Christmas Eve was a breakdown day for me. It was 6AM and I dragged my tired body out of my warm, fluffy, sweet bed to get Alex out of the crib to start the day. The day before I had flown in from Houston, Texas, yes siree bob, I was in Houston. I went there for business, flew out Wednesday night, flew in Thursday night. Hi Houston, bye Houston, literally. Worked on Friday, fought horrible traffic for almost 2 hours only to play with Alex for a few minutes, feed him, change him, play with him, bathe him, change him, make the bottle, feed him and put him to sleep. Then about 3AM, Alex wakes up and there I go again in his room trying to put him back to sleep.

So there I am Christmas Eve with all the glorious gifts piled up all around me waiting to be wrapped up in cute little fat Santas or a cute reindeer holding a sign that says "NOEL" when I sit down and cry. Jason comes over and asks what's wrong, "It's Christmas, you shouldn't be crying." he pipes in. Oh yeah? I think, let me count the ways of why I'm crying.

My eyebrows look like two caterpillers have crawled up and made it their home. My hair is long and annoying and Alex finds it funny to pull the hair to hear Momma say, ouch! My toenails are horrid! They are so naked and ugly, I haven't had a pedicure in months. My cuticles on my nails are dead that they actually look like man hands.

I miss getting my purse and saying, I'm going to go get a pedicure/maincure at 10am, get a haircut at 12pm and finish it off by getting an eyebrow wax at 2pm. See you at 3PM. Sadly those days are gone. While I'm crying my eyes out complaining about my 3 feet long eyebrow hair, Jason says, "You can go get all of that done. You should just do it." I look at him with my tearful eyes and say, "When? You always work on the weekends. I never have the time to go and take care of myself."

I think this is completely unfair. Why is it that mother's lose their independence once they have a child? The father still has his. The father can say, "Hey honey, I'm going to Home Depot to look for that thinga majig that will stop the leaks" and will be gone for 4 hours. The father can sleep in bed longer since he doesn't feel that it's his obligation to wake up first before the mother to put the baby back to sleep at 3AM. And why do I have to remember to pack the food, the spoon, pack the formula cup with 3 scoops to make 6 oz of milk, the bibs, the burping pads, change of clothes; one for just in case it's hot, one for just in case it's cold, diapers, making sure the wipies container is filled up, etc, etc, etc. WHY, WHY, WHY? Why me?

Another reason why I had my meltdown on Christmas Eve is because I have to remind Jason to do what he needs to do. Exhibit A, going to the Montclair Mall to have Alex take his picture with Santa. Jason knows that the mall is in Montclair which is east of us. However, I have to tell Jason, make a right on Garey and a left on Arrow Hwy. So he makes the right on Garey and almost misses Arrow Hwy. Jason, hello Arrow Hwy, make a left! He sits there and says, oh yeah I forgot. What? Forget? How could you forget where we were going in a matter of seconds? I don't get it. Exhibit B, Jason gets a cold. I remind him that the baby has had 2 colds already, the last one being the worse he's had and he ended up on antibiotics. Jason, remember to take Zicam so you can get over the cold faster. He chimes in, "I hate taking that stuff, it tastes nasty, no I won't take it, I won't, I won't, I won't". He all of a sudden becomes 5 years old and there I am running after him saying, "Come on sweety, take your medicine!!!". Drink plenty of water to flush it out of your system. Jason it's time to take Zicam again, did you drink water? No wonder I don't have time for myself anymore, I have 2 children.

Don't get me wrong, Jason is a great help with Alex. He sometimes lets me sleep in on a weekend, he does help feed Alex and change his diapers. But most of the responsibility lies on me and I think it should be 50/50. I work just as many hours as Jason does, I help bring in the income, yet I'm the one responsible for cleaning the bathrooms, moping the hardwood and tile floors, washing the clothes, dusting the furniture, making the beds, etc. If I don't do it, it won't get done. It's like Jason has blinders and doesn't see that the bathroom has a beard plant growing in a corner from all of his shavings. Here's another example, Jason was coming to Glendale ,where I work, to have lunch with me and he was bringing Alex with him. I had to type a task in my outlook tasks section to remind me to call Jason to remind him to pack the bottles, Applesauce for lunchtime and a spoon. When I call him with his tasks, Jason says, "Alex is still in his PJ's". Oh my gosh, he was planning on bringing Alex in his PJ's?!?!?!?

I feel like I've aged 10 years in these past 10 months. I'm tired, I'm always tired and it upsets me that I don't have the energy to watch "The Devil Wears Prada" on a Friday night. My stomach turns in knots when people ask me, when are you going to have another one? Will I have some energy reserved somewhere inside of me to have another one? Of course I want another baby but when will it be a good time to have it? When Alex is 2? No, that's too soon. No wonder we age so much more faster than when we are supposed to. No wonder there's Botox, eye cream, face lifts, reverse aging process in face creams and eye lifts. We need to be fixed so we look 31 and not 65.