August 25, 2006

New door

Last day of work, May 26th. First day of doing nothing, absolutely nothing, May 28th. It's memorial day weekend and I woke up with an annoying earache. Why is my ear plugged up and why can't I hear? Stick finger in ear, shake it around a bit, did it clear? Nope still plugged. Maybe once I take a shower it will unplug. Ug, this huge tummy is still with me. When will this kid come out? Oh no, it has to come out. How will it come out? I know, sounds crazy, like I don't know how a baby comes out, but seriously, how will it come out? I started thinking, my mom obviously did it three times, although the last one doesn't really count because she had a C Section due to my baby sister being breeched. Then I thought of my mom's 6 sisters, they all have kids and all of them were delivered naturally. So it's possible. I'll just have to push him out, that's all. Then I felt anxiety; my whole life will never be the same. Will I be able to watch TV while I have the baby? Can I still watch Sex and the City reruns or watch new episodes of Lost? Probably not since I'll have to feed the baby, rock the baby to sleep, try to figure out what's wrong with baby and why it keeps crying. My entire time will be dedicated to taking care of the baby. I can't deal with this, I need my TV. TV is what keeps me moving, keeps me alive. Then I thought, well since I can't watch TV what will keep me entertained? I guess I can talk to the baby or talk to my husband but I know that will get boring eventually. I have to watch TV. Every morning I wake up with Channel 4 news and then I watch 15 minutes of Good Morning America to get the latest headlines throughout the world. I have a weekly schedule of TV watching.
Monday nights: Wife Swap, Supernanny
Tuesday nights: American Idol
Wednesday nights: Lost and American Idol results show
Thursday nights: Alias and Dancing with the Stars
Friday nights: America's Funniest Home Videos and Dancing with the Stars results show
Saturday nights: Nothing but I do watch DVD rentals
Sunday nights: Desperate Housewives.

See, the schedule is full so I can't possibly take care of the baby while watching my TV shows. Am I really ready to take care of a baby? I was 12 when my baby sister Erika was born. She was my guinea pig; I learned how to feed a baby, how to change a diaper, how to make a baby laugh, how to change clothes because they had spit up on their onsies. I learned everything from her but she wasn't mine, she wasn't my baby. Now I'll be responsible for a tiny human being and I'm not too sure I can do it. What if I break him from holding him too tight? What if he poops so much I can't clean him properly? What if I can't breastfeed him because I don't produce enough milk? I can't deal with this. Suddenly anxiety breaks me down and I'm having a meltdown. I need help, I can't deal with this, I must runaway, run far far away and no one will have to tell me to take care of the baby. Wait, I can do this. I've been wanting this baby so badly, I have to face it. My life will be different and yes perhaps I can't watch Lost and find out what "the others" are all about but I have a saving grace; I have TIVO!

August 02, 2006

It is on TV

20 weeks have gone by and I'm feeling pretty good. The tummy is growing, my appetite is back and the once butterfly movements I felt are now turning into good little kicks. I love being pregnant and I love feeling my baby move inside of me. Now for the room, should it be pink or blue? I tell people I don't care what it is, I just want it to be healthy. I love it and yes it's true I want it to be healthy but I really hope it is a boy. I want Jason to have a companion in his life, his little buddy and I want my dad, Gilbert, to finally have his boy he has been waiting for his entire life. We begin in 1975, my dad is pacing the green linoleum floors in his bell bottom pants at St. Francis in Lynwood, Ca. The doctor comes out and says, "a huge wopping 9lb baby girl is born". It's a girl and she shall be called Raquel. 1981, the now bell bottom pants are replaced with tight blue jeans with a tight OP shirt. He receives the good news. Your wife is ready for you now, put on the scrubs and let's have a baby. After pushing for about a half hour the doctor says, Mr. Hill, congratulations, it's a girl. Oh boy or in the case oh girl it's another girl. 1987, my poor mom is wobbling back and forth, the worst pregnancy she's ever had and she has to have a C-section. Off to East LA hospital to split her open to find out if finally we will get our little Gilbert we have been hoping for. Dad is sweating in his green scrubs anticipating if he should buy a baseball glove or a Barbie. He hears the doctor's voice on the other side of the partician and he says, "Mr and Mrs Hill, it's a girl and she's a big one! Dad looks at mom and says that's it, no more.
So needless to say, Dad needs his little man to throw ball with, to take to the Nascar races and to sit down and talk about the huge issues a little boy will go through. Today is the day where my dad will either be getting a blue truck toy or a pink doll.
We stroll into the radiology department with our entourage, my mom, my grandma and Jason's mom. We pay our fees and we sit in the waiting room all of us full of energy and happiness. The Nurse calls us in and all 5 of us stand up. She asks, "Are you all together?" And I say, "yep it's all 5 of us."

We go into a dark room with all sorts of machines around us. The room looked like you could build your own personal terminator and you can actually choose which accent the terminator should have. I lay down on the bed and I pull up my Baby Love white shirt and pull down my baby blue sweat pants. I start to think, if it's a boy how should I tell my dad? If it's a girl should I still tell my dad? The nurse squeezes out KY jelly on my swelling belly and says "Let's begin"
I stare at the 10" monitor that is in front of me and suddenly the black image turns into a snowy black and white weird triangle shape like image. Boom, we see a head and body. "There it is, hi it!" I say outloud. She measures the head and body and says nothing. "Is it ok?" I ask. She stares at her monitor and says, "I can't say anything, your doctor will let you know." Great, it could have 3 arms, pointy ears, googly eyes and a parkeet nose. Let's hope for the best.
As she does her measurements she finally shows us its arms, legs and back. Ok, it looks normal.

We all can breathe again and enjoy the show. Then the moment comes. She asks, "Do you want to know the sex?" Both Jason and I exclaim "YES!" She searches and searches and then she stops. She draws a circle around the special place and asks Jason, "Ok Jason, what do you see there?" My loving husband stares into the monitor with his mouth wide open. You could clearly see the sex and I was so happy and so was my husband. Jason is unable to speak so I ask, "Is it a boy?" and the nurse smiles and says, "Yes it is." The room explodes into laughter and happiness. Yes, it's a boy! Finally a boy and I got what I had wished for. My mother hugs my mother-in-law, grandma starts crying and Jason is still staring at the monitor. I can't wait to tell my dad.
After the appointment, I rush to Target to look for a toy so I could wrap it up and give it to my dad. I find the cutest blue truck and I hurry home to wrap it up. I place the toy in a girlish gift bag hoping to make my dad think it is a girl. We arrive at my parents and I immediatly tell my dad, "Daddy, I have a gift for you. In this bag you will find an item that will let you know what Jason and I are having." He smiles, takes one tissue out, folds it nicely in half then another half until it's a perfect square, takes the second tissue out and folds it just like the first tissue. "Dad, hurry up, I'm dying to know!" says my sister. He laughs and he reaches in and pulls out the truck. The look on his face will never escape my mind. He smiles, then screams and says, "Finally I get my boy!" We all hug and laugh. It will always be with me that I finally made my dad's dream come true.

A stick can change one's life

Remember those days when you were a young girl and you would sit in your room in your dress up clothes reciting your dream wedding with Barbie and Ken? Well, I used to do that. I imagined that the 26" waist with a 36 full C cup Barbie was me and I was marrying the man of my dreams, cool, slick and beautiful blonde Ken. My dream did come true when I met my hubby Jason, although he doesn't have the blonde hair but he's cool and slick. Our wedding was the most amazing day of my life and it was super perfect! I had it all, the most amazing and colorful flowers, a white limo, 6 bridesmaids all who were super hot and my Princess Di dress. The food was delicious, the miriachi band stole the show, and we ate the most delicious 4-tier white wedding cake filled with black magic roses in between the tiers. It was perfect.
A year later my husband and I decided to take a huge step, a step we've never think to look back; buy property. We bought our cute 1956 home, not like those cookie cutter, no backyard or sideyard and you have to have the same paint on the outside as everyone else in the neighborhood or the Association will be after you with paint brushes house. Our home was unique, just like us. I fell in love with it the first time I saw it on a rainy January morning. It was going to be ours and we were going to make it a home. A month later we moved in on the most rainy day ever, of course it happens to use since we are the Prices. Quickly we settled in and the neighborhood got a taste of us with our loud karaoke nights. We finally could be so loud without having the stupid neighbor call the landlord to shut our mouths. We partied like it was 1999 and we had a good time. After the partying cooled down, we decided to make a slight change in our lives; let's have a baby.
We had been talking about creating a little critter for some time and now that we both were used to paying a mortgage and we both had steady jobs, we decided to dive into it. In September of 2005, I wasn't feeling my old self. I was tired, irritable, moody and boy my twins hurt like someone punched them for days. Then I thought, could it be? Could I be preggers? Hurry, run to Albertson's to buy a pregnancy test!
I sat in my french inspired bathroom and I stared at the generic Albertson's brand pregnancy test that came with 2 test sticks for the price of one and I asked, if I pee on the stick and a circle appears instead of a line will I be happy, scared or nervous? Or will I feel all three of the above? Take a deep breath in and pee on the stick. Five minutes later after peeing on the stick, I read the instructions, yes I read the instructions after I do the process, and it says to wait for 15 minutes, holy crap, fifteen minutes? A lot can happen in fifteen minutes and I have to sit and wait for 15 minutes? Fine I'll wait but I'll wait somewhere else so I won't feel like I'm watching the pee stick to boil. I go to the kitchen and I start to make a 30 minute meal. I gather my ingredients; garlic powder, salt, chicken bouillon, the veggies and the chicken. I start to cut my fresh veggies and all I think about is the stick sitting in the middle of my bathroom. Is it 15 minutes yet? No it's only 20 seconds later. I sigh and I say, this will be the longest 15 minutes of fame in my life. After cutting the fresh veggies and chicken it's now 15 minutes later. Run to the bathroom and pick up the stick. It looks like a circle but it could be two lines. Well am I? I ask the stick and no response. Am I with baby? It still says nothing. What do I do? Do I show the half circle could be two lines stick to my husband and say congrats we may be having a baby let's wait for 5 months to see if my belly will swell up? No silly, take the other test, after all that is why you bought the 2 sticks for the price of one! If it looks like the first stick, then I'm pregnant according to the black and white 1978 inspired drawings. If it doesn't, then we'll keep trying. However, the bladder is dry not a drop in the sky, so drink the tallest glass of water to optimize the best peeing on the stick to ensure the best results. 15 mintues later bladder is full, pee on the stick.
Another 15 minutes of waiting. Imagine waiting 30 minutes not knowing which path your life will now be heading down. 15 minutes is up, check the 2nd pee stick. Yep, definitly a circle, oh my gosh it's a circle. Check it against the drawings, yes it's a circle! Jason and I are going to be parents! We are having a baby! WE ARE HAVING A BABY?????? Reality sets in.